Home   •   Membership   •   Who's Who   •   Programming  •   Hotel  •   Gaming  •   Accessibility
Code of Conduct  •   About/Contact   •   Turkey Awards  •   Previous Years

Turkey Awards!

Read the 2017 "Winners"

2017 Turkey Award Photos


The Turkey Awards are Chessiecon's own version of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest. If you need some inspiration, check out the 2015 Bulwer-Lytton contest winners!.


Rules for the Chessiecon Turkey Award contest:

  1. Entries shall be imagined as the worst possible opening to the worst possible SF/F novel (n)ever written. Contestants may make as many entries as desired, but each submission should be clearly delineated from others. Only one dubious prize will be awarded per entrant regardless of number of entries.
  2. Each entry may consist of a single sentence or a paragraph not to exceed 80 words in length. Entries over 80 words WILL BE DISQUALIFIED.
  3. Each entry must be original work, and not previously published or entered into The Turkey Awards.
  4. Entrants should strongly resist the temptation to work with puns based on Edward Bulwer-Lytton's famous opening to "Paul Clifford", ("It was a dark and stormy night...") or Jim Thies' "The Eye of Argon".
  5. Entries may be made by e-mail or by surface mail. E-mail submissions should be made in the body of the message, not an attachment, and should be sent to: turkeys@chessiecon.org with the subject line of "Turkey Award Submission(s)". Surface mail submissions should be sent by post card or letter to: TSFS, Inc. PO Box 83032 Gaithersburg, MD 20883-3032 Attn: Turkey Award Submission(s). Entries should also be clearly marked with the entrant's name.
  6. Deadline for entry is midnight on Friday November 23.
  7. Contest entries will be presented and judged at a panel at Chessiecon 2018.
  8. Contest judges are not eligible to win.
  9. Dubious prizes will be awarded for 3rd-Worst, 2nd-Worst and Worst Place.

2017 Turkey Award "Winners"


3rd Worst Place - Beth Jenkins Chandler

Victoria Vibratta encountered the evil Aspreprhinoceress Empress of Extacia at the entrance to her exorbital Lair of Liir. “You’ll never best me,” Vibratta spurted, brandishing her Barsoomian Globlular Blasters. “Infuriating intrasolar imp!” declared the dire Empress derisively, her habitually-imperceptible pearlescent horn rising rapidly. “Desist or suffer the direst consequences, my lovely little lady. I’m more than your sweet globulars can handle when I’m *really* horny…”


2nd Worst Place - Entry missing. We're sorry for the inconvenience!


Worst Place - Eileen Martz

"You're coming with us!" Magnus Powers's perfect blue eyes assessed Floyd and his goons, in answer, Magnus whistled to his steed. Helvetica, pride of the Shaolin stables, burst through the window and vaulted to a chandelier, spraying machine gun fire for cover. Magnus drew his sword, breaking off the end to use as a weapon, and swung wildly to the saloon door. They vaulted into the hovercar, Magnus wiped the testosterone from his brow as the horse drove them away.


Turkey Award Photo

Lee Budar-Danoff, presenter; Worst Place; Eileen Martz, 2nd Worst please message us so we can credit you and post your entry!; Tom Zych, accepting for Beth Jenkins Chandler, 3rd Worst; Jo Hogan, presenter;