Turkey Awards!

Read the 2015 "Winners"

2015 Turkey Award Photos

The Turkey Awards are Chessiecon's own version of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest. If you need some inspiration, check out the 2015 Bulwer-Lytton contest winners!.

Rules for the Chessiecon Turkey Award contest:

  1. Entries shall be imagined as the worst possible opening to the worst possible SF/F novel (n)ever written. Contestants may make as many entries as desired, but each submission should be clearly delineated from others. Only one dubious prize will be awarded per entrant regardless of number of entries.
  2. Each entry may consist of a single sentence or a paragraph not to exceed 80 words in length.
  3. Each entry must be original work, and not previously published or entered into The Turkey Awards.
  4. Entrants should strongly resist the temptation to work with puns based on Edward Bulwer-Lytton's famous opening to "Paul Clifford", ("It was a dark and stormy night...") or Jim Thies' "The Eye of Argon".
  5. Entries may be made by e-mail or by surface mail. E-mail submissions should be made in the body of the message, not an attachment, and should be sent to: turkeys@chessiecon.org with the subject line of "Turkey Award Submission(s)". Surface mail submissions should be sent by post card or letter to: TSFS, Inc. PO Box 83032 Gaithersburg, MD 20883-3032 Attn: Turkey Award Submission(s). Entries should also be clearly marked with the entrant's name.
  6. Contest entries will be presented and judged at a panel at Chessiecon 2016.
  7. Contest judges are not eligible to win.
  8. Dubious prizes will be awarded for 3rd-Worst, 2nd-Worst and Worst Place.

2015 Turkey Award "Winners"

3rd Worst Place - Eileen Martz

"Oh, Bash!" she warbled. Galacta Honeycomb gripped Bash Hard-Peck's space suit with her tentacles, caressing his gasket softly. He inhaled and flipped up his visor sipping space-tini. The mooner-cycle veered around falling asteroids of the meteor-storm back to the Moon-base to find it in ruins! Craask, the snake! His ships were landing from all directions! A gangplank lowered and out he slithered, long scaly body rearing up, moustache glistening above fangs, his laughter echoed through the vacuum.

2nd Worst Place - Luke Katafiasz

Genre: Epic Psuedo-Sci-Fi High Urban Fantasy

The trouble started when the alien biker chick leveled her griffin-bone wand at the overly ripe robo-zombie working the café where I was getting midnight coffee while investigating the vampire Mafia's involvement in subterranean smuggling, specifically demonic gearboxes from imperial Aztlán.

But first, let me introduce myself. I'm the scariest voodoo ninja doubloons can buy this side of the Milky Way, also the fugitive bastard of Dar'Dunn, Shadow Elf prince.

Enough about me.

That morning like most, began with whiskey.

Worst Place - Brett McCoy

Belladonna, princess of the 13 Triton Elf Kingdoms, slithered across the floor to face her uncle. He was the king, and did not deserve to sit on the Throne That Talks, but there he sat anyway, hunched like a broken sewing machine, watching her with throbbing eyes. Chuckling like a door that was slammed too hard, he pointed at her and cast his spell of Triple Doom. She felt sleep come over her like a wet wool blanket, heavy and smelly.

2015 Turkey Award Photos

Luke Katafiasz: 2nd Worse, Worst Place (Con chair Jo Hogan standing in for Brett McCoy), Eileen Martz: 3rd Worst

Ursula reacting to the unveiling of the Worst Place dubious prize.